What does it look like, feel like, sound like to have a healthy heart connection within your romantic love relationship? This question arose recently when I was working with a client. The man I was working with is very healthy, extremely bright, and very committed to his own personal development. But the more we talked the […]
Tag Archives | Intimacy
There is a gift in everything
I have come to believe that there is a gift in every event, every encounter, and every difficulty. Is this true? No, but it’s an example of how I choose to make meaning and it serves me really well. Some times I have trouble seeing the gift, but if I’m willing to look for the […]
What Awaits You On The Other Side?
Imagine you are walking down a dusty road between two tall hedges and carrying a heavy load. This is the road of an ordinary life. You notice that some people get ahead of you and some fall behind. You have struggled at times along this road to keep up, to get ahead, to connect, to […]
The Hole In My Heart
Do you have a hole in your heart? Have you had different romantic partners, but the basic dynamic between you remains the same? The dynamic, in short, is this—you don’t get what you want. Somehow you keep making the same mistake, either choosing the wrong person or looking for the wrong thing from the person […]
A Remarkable Woman — my mom
How old do you feel like you are? It was about a week ago when I asked my mother, “How old do you feel like you are?” She said, “Twenty-three.” And if I were to measure her by her spirit and enthusiasm for life I would agree. In physical years she is eighty-nine—and dying. She […]
Why Therapy Fails
Tens of millions of people go to one form of psychotherapy or another because they want: To be happier To escape their anxieties and fears To create a happy romantic partnership To find their life purpose and feel satisfied And when I look at the results I reach the conclusion that most therapy fails. It’s […]
Preciousness of Life
Kyoto, Japan It is Tuesday evening in Kyoto, Japan. We have just finished conducting a Live Conscious Retreat. In our retreats, all participants use pseudonyms, no one uses their real name. For this retreat Hannah chose the name “Yuuki”, which is the Japanese word for courage, and I chose the name “Mr. Lucky”—which in Japanese […]
Can I recover from child abuse?
I left a small child—my child—over 30 years ago because I was afraid to be a mother. I made sure he was in good hands and then I ran away. For years we have pretended that what I did was acceptable because of my own pain and my terrifying childhood. Can my son recover from […]
How To Stay True To Self
Many of us have been to the mountain top. We know how we feel when we are open, loving, in touch with ourselves and accessing our own wisdom. Petty little things don’t get to us. Our love and patience are bigger than our fears. We find humor in being human. Why don’t we stay on […]
Four Mistakes That Couples Make
I spend several hours every week watching smart people make terrible mistakes in how they treat their lovers/partners. What follows is a list of the four major mistakes I see couples make. If I do nothing more than commit myself to avoiding these four mistakes, I radically improve the quality of my partnership. 1. Comparing […]