Can love really be easy? Can relationships be easy? Or do our darker sides, our shadows, that are born out of neglect, abuse, or lack of nurturance early in life—result in us having to work hard to love and be loved? Do our early life emotional deficits—as well as rejection and failed relationships later in […]
Tag Archives | Witness
Stop Thinking and Be Present
I’ll keep this short because I don’t want you to think too much about what I’m sharing with you. That’s the point of this short article, to suggest you think less. I’ve been a therapist for twenty-five years, worked with hundreds of people, and seriously thought about life for fifty years. Only now do I […]
Owning Myself, Not Editing Myself
One of my talents and ways of making a living is being an editor and it’s work I love to do—I love words and working with languages. But there is another kind of editing I do that I don’t like—editing myself, holding myself back, not being fully myself. Recently, I was in New Mexico and […]
Presence Trumps Force
There are two ways to be powerful—one is to use force, the other is to embody presence. Force may get you want you want, but you’ll leave behind messy emotional footprints. Embodying presence will get you what you really want—if you want a life without suffering. In the US elections in 2016 we see two […]
A Letter of Gratitude
We have been sharing this work with people for over fifteen years. From time to time we receive expressions of gratitude from people who have participated in this work—usually after attending one of our retreats . . . or more than one. Recently we received this letter of gratitude from a dear person, who so […]
Can You Hear Me? — it’s so painful not to be heard
Maybe one of the more painful, or even frightening things, is when we are unable to get another person—especially one we love—to hear and understand us. The person listening doesn’t necessarily even need to agree with us—if only they would listen and understand our experience. Can you hear me? Is that too much to ask? […]
Grow Your Brain
Would you like to grow your brain—learn how to use more of your brain? What if you could go from using 15% to 20%? Imagine the changes that would occur. The 2014 movie “Lucy,” explores this subject by dramatizing what happens when the main character gains access to 100% of her brain. Essentially, she expands […]
There is a time to whine
In my office I have a sign that my clients can see from their chair. It says, “Thou Shalt Not Whine.” It’s partially meant to be a joke, but it’s also indicative of my approach to therapy. I’ll say more about that in a minute, but in this article I want to acknowledge that I’ve […]
Make The Most of NOW
Do you want to be happy? Do you want to live with an open heart? Do you want to conduct yourself so that you feel good about yourself? All of this is possible—the key is learning to do two things. Not “learning two things,” but “learning TO DO two things.” Both of which I wish […]
How to be a better man
Do you want to be a better man? Do you remember that line from the movie, As Good As It Gets—Jack Nicholson says to Helen Hunt—”You make me want to be a better man.” And she says, “That’s maybe the best compliment of my life.” In the past few weeks I’ve been counseling several couples. […]