Personal Growth
PERSONAL GROWTH: What do you most want to accomplish in your life—being a great partner or parent, helping others, professional/financial success, leading a movement, or simply peace of mind? Regardless of what you want, focusing on your personal growth and development will make it more likely that you attain your desires.
We All Have A Personal Narrative —— Is Yours Healthy? (Part II)
When you learn to create an integrated narrative you will be more congruent and experience less anxiety in your life. You will have more compassion and empathy. You will be better able to regulate your moods. You will have healthier, more intimate and more sustainable...
Discover Your Personal Narrative — (Part I)
We can be a historian of our own lives or a novelist Within every one of us there is an invisible force that guides us through our lives. It is our personal story—our narrative. We’re largely unconscious of our narrative, but shouldn’t be, because if we have an...
Owning Myself, Not Editing Myself
One of my talents and ways of making a living is being an editor and it’s work I love to do—I love words and working with languages. But there is another kind of editing I do that I don’t like—editing myself, holding myself back, not being fully myself....
Embracing Change
Jake and I are embracing change in 2017—big change—as we have decided to move to the Big Island of Hawaii. We spent 2+ months on the island in 2016 and upon returning to our beloved New Mexico we realized we were different. Between us, we’ve lived in New Mexico for...
Growing Younger — What’s holding you back?
Or in Perception Language we might say: “Why hold yourself back from growing younger? “Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes and having fun.” Mary Lou Cook In the year 2000 I went to Japan with my husband,...
The Path of Self-Improvement
What’s the right path for you? Where are you going—in terms of your self-improvement and personal growth? And how are you going to get there? Is there only one way, or many? Charting your own course This is kind of how I think about psychotherapy, as a chance...
A Letter of Gratitude
We have been sharing this work with people for over fifteen years. From time to time we receive expressions of gratitude from people who have participated in this work—usually after attending one of our retreats . . . or more than one. Recently we received this letter...
Can We Stop Telling Stories?
Freedom is man’s capacity to take a hand in his own development. It is our capacity to mold ourselves. –Rollo May As a human being, I am a meaning maker. I’m compelled to make sense of the world around me. I do this by telling myself stories. But...
Law of Acceptable Dishonesty
Long before we go to school we are trained to be dishonest, often by well-meaning, good people. Our parents, neighbors, friends, coaches and teachers all do it. We are all taught that white lies, omissions, minimizations and exaggerations are acceptable, especially if...
How To Find The Sweet Spot In Your Life
In the course of our lives we are likely to experience what’s known as a sweet spot—this is a place where everything comes together and produces the best possible result with minimal effort. A sweet spot can last for an extended period of time, resulting in deep...
Remake Ourselves
“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world . . . as in being able to remake ourselves.” Gandhi Have you ever wanted to change your name—even for a day? It’s a really interesting thing to do. When people attend our retreats,...
Breaking Out Of Your Box
We all live inside of self-constructed boxes. I’m not talking about boxes built out of wood, concrete and sheetrock. I’m talking about boxes that we build out of our memories, beliefs and the words we use to talk about ourselves. The primary purpose of our boxes is to...
There is a time to whine
In my office I have a sign that my clients can see from their chair. It says, “Thou Shalt Not Whine.” It’s partially meant to be a joke, but it’s also indicative of my approach to therapy. I’ll say more about that in a minute, but in this article I want to acknowledge...
Healing Myself With My Dreams
One of the many things I love about the practice of Live Conscious is that it invites me to embrace all of me—the practice hinges on self-acceptance—not tolerance of poor behavior, but acceptance. I begin exactly where I am—accepting my past, my present, my failures...
Why Are We So Scared?
Other people see me as abrasive. I perceive this is because much of my dialogue with people comes from a defensive place in me. I don’t want to be seen as abrasive. That’s why I recently attended the Live Conscious Retreat in Roatan, hoping I would learn...
Personal Power
I’ve been working with Jake and Hannah Eagle, learning and practicing the art of Live Conscious for over three years now. The art of Live Conscious is a method of changing my perspective based on how I use language and how I focus myself and my energy. Back in the old...
Acceptance
The difference that makes the difference. Over the last few days I’ve been thinking about why Live Conscious is different than other forms of psychology, self-help practices and group dynamics. I’ve been in therapy several times over the years— in my mid-thirties I...
The Things We Carry— emotional baggage
Last year I was a lab virgin. This year I’m a lab veteran, meaning I’ve been to a Live Conscious Lab before. Why do the members of our small but growing community refer to these retreats as labs? Because they are places to experiment—to be totally honest, to ask for...
How To Be Happy: Poof
In my previous article I introduced one idea—one idea that can free me from most of my suffering. This idea is that meaning is made up. An event occurs, or someone says something to me . . . and then I make meaning of that event, or the words that were spoken. I make...
Why Therapy Fails
Tens of millions of people go to one form of psychotherapy or another because they want: To be happier To escape their anxieties and fears To create a happy romantic partnership To find their life purpose and feel satisfied And when I look at the results I reach the...
How to Get From There to Here
Why are you reading this blog on this site? I started reading blogs on this site two years ago because I was trying to get from there to here—”there” being stuck and “here” being happy with myself. Since attending my first Live Conscious...
Being Perfect
“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~ Anna Quindlen I recently returned from someone else’s 5-day workshop. I do this every year—attend a workshop—to keep myself growing...
Emotional Toolbox
Spring is slowly arriving in Toronto. The trees are leafing, tulips and daffodils abound and the lilacs will be here in a week. The magnolia trees are stunning and the lawns are a vivid green from the months of snow and early spring rains. It’s still cool, but I’m...
Up Against The Glass
I’ve recently returned from a two-week excursion of channeling my mother. Not what I would call a luxurious holiday, but looking back I see it was a necessary fact finding adventure. And, like many adventures, I found myself in turbulent waters, desolate landscapes...
How To Stay True To Self
Many of us have been to the mountain top. We know how we feel when we are open, loving, in touch with ourselves and accessing our own wisdom. Petty little things don’t get to us. Our love and patience are bigger than our fears. We find humor in being human. Why...
Why do I bully people?
In my last blog I wrote about my fear of intimacy. It was the most honest I’ve ever been and I’ve spent the week’s following publication watching my reactions to revealing myself. My first response was pride and a warm fuzzy feeling of having bared my soul accompanied...
Running for my Emotional Life
I am a runner. Not a marathon runner, not a jogger, but an emotional runner. When I find myself in a challenging situation my instinct is to run—others may have the instinct to fight, others will freeze. It’s part of our primitive nature and how we respond to what we...
Wake Up
I am struggling, challenging myself with my belief that I am a victim and cannot rescue myself from this terrible limitation. So, I am going to write about this, because writing is one of my tried and true methods of healing myself. Inevitably, when I write I discover...
How NOT to Apologize
“I sincerely, sincerely apologize, what can I say? I make mistakes.” The above quote is one of many by Toronto’s Mayor, Rob Ford. Even before he was elected mayor he was apologizing for his bad behavior, and since he’s become mayor it’s more frequent. Since May of...
The Keys To Aging Well
The first key to aging well—start now! Is this important to you? Do you want to age well? You should—because aging poorly is a real drag. And unnecessary. In this article I’ll share with you some results found in The Study of Adult Development. This is a unique...
The Two Best Affirmations
I question the idea that all I have to do is repeat a few select affirmations and my life will change for the better. Actually, I don’t buy it. I recently read an article in Elephant Journal that describes the positive effects of “Trite, New-Agey Affirmations.” In the...
Virtual Questions Guide Our Lives
This summer I attended a week long Live Conscious Retreat or “Lab” as we call them, hosted by Jake and Hannah Eagle. (We call a retreat a “Lab” because it’s a place to experiment and learn new ways of being.) I changed my life. To say that the Lab...
Healing Yourself by Integrating Yourself
In the Live Conscious model we hear a great deal about integration. The definition of integration is: to combine, amalgamate, merge, unite, fuse, blend, incorporate. The antonym of integration is separation. When we live a more integrated life we experience greater...
Finding Yourself – A Love Story
Finding yourself is a journey Finally, one perfect day in early July, I arrive in northern New Mexico with comfortable clothes, a journal, sunscreen, a jacket for cool nights, and rain gear. I’m aware that I’m carrying my interior baggage as well—hoping that someone...
Is Rapid Self-Improvement Possible?
Here’s the question I’ve been pondering. Do we need to grow one step at a time, going through each developmental stage, building from the ground up—or—can we leapfrog? Leapfrog . . . you know how they talk about developing countries not needing to lay...
Being Human
Feel stuck? How do you un-stick yourself? By being human. I recently had a patient come in, a lovely, fairly successful, quite confident teacher in the field of personal growth. She was feeling stuck in her life. She could not motivate herself to do the things she...
What’s Good Enough?
Do People Really Do The Best They Can? Have you heard the expression, “People do the best they can”? Do you believe that? Really? You believe that a father who abused his daughter did the best he could? You believe that a wife who cheated on her husband...
How To Stop Obsessive Thoughts
Many people experience obsessive thoughts of one kind of another. Not only can we drive ourselves crazy with these thoughts, but when our negative obsessive thoughts are about another person, such thoughts are potentially harmful—and at the very least they are unkind....
Be Intolerant
We are proposing that there are two primary things you need to do to simplify your life so that you can be happy. Last week’s article was written by Hannah, who suggested that kindness is the key. This week I want to share with you the other side of the coin—my...
How To Free Yourself — part III
Do you want to free yourself? In part 1 of this article I asked if you want to break past the obstacles that are in your way. I suggested that to move beyond old obstacles it helps to ask yourself three key questions. The reason these key questions are so powerful is...
How to Free Yourself — part II
Do you want to change some of your behaviors? In part 1 of this article I asked if you want to break past the obstacles that are in your way. I suggested that to move past old obstacles it helps to ask yourself three key questions. The reason these key questions are...
How To Free Yourself — part I
Do you want to break free of old obstacles? If you are like most of the people I work with, you’re self-aware and smart. Even so, you have certain obstacles in your life that hold you back. And often, these obstacles aren’t new—it’s the same old...
How to stop being judgmental
Are we born judgmental beings, or at birth are we pure and pristine—trusting and open? I often hear people talk about wanting to get back to the state they think they were born in, before they became judgmental and fearful. But did such a state exist? My belief is...
The Need To Be Right
“You have your way.I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche Yesterday I drove my mother and father to the VA hospital in Albuquerque for a doctor’s appointment. I had never been to a...
What Is Your Essence?
If you weren’t molded by your parents during the first three to four years of your life, who would you be today? If you ponder this vital question—and answer it with just one word—you will find your essence. The answer is not that you were pure and...
How Smart Living is Easier Than Hard Work
There is a way of living that’s easier—smart living! It applies to our physical bodies, our emotional lives, our relationships and even the way we do our jobs. For many years I’ve struggled with a physical condition that prevents me from exerting myself or...
What is your style of adapting to stress? Maturity is the healthiest response.
In one of my previous articles I mentioned the Grant Study, which involves researchers at Harvard who have been asking, “Is there is a formula for the good life?” They have come up with some interesting and helpful conclusions as a result of endlessly...
The Key To Happiness
The Grant Study began in 1938, tracking a group of 268 students at Harvard University, and these students have now been observed and interviewed over nine decades. The results are quite revealing and inspiring. Dr. George Vaillant is the storyteller of the study and...
Is Being Selfless a Good Thing?
I recently read that “we take care of what we love and we grow to love what we take care of.” This made me question how well we do or don’t care for ourselves. The idea of learning to love one’s self is rather vague—how do we do it? But the idea of caring for one’s...
What’s Your Core Pattern—are you overwhelmed?
What’s Your Core Pattern? I’ve identified four core patterns: Confused Overwhelmed Conflicted Depressed Which one is yours? When I ask about a core pattern, I mean a primary pattern of behavior that we use to cope, but also to limit ourselves. We all learn our...
The Dalai Lama Teaches Us To Be Mature
The Dalai Lama offers us a key to being mature. Do you respond maturely even in the most challenging situations? Or, as many people demonstrate, are there times when you just lose it—and you tell yourself “that’s the way life is?” I will suggest to...
How To Work With Your Attachment Styles
Do you want to know how to bring about change in your life? Start by looking at yourself and determining your “attachment styles.” There is a body of work in the field of psychology known as Attachment Theory. In this short post I’m not going to...
“The Truth” Is Just A Story
Do you really need to know “the truth”? What if we realized that the stories we tell ourselves are just stories? They are made up. We assign meaning to everything, and then we act as if the meaning we make up is “the truth.” If you let go of your stories...
Three Keys To Emotional Health
We’ve identified three things that are necessary to recreate emotional health, which is a prerequisite to having a great life and sustainable relationships. 1. The first is psychological development. There are many psychological practices and therapies that lead...
What Determines If Today Will Be a Good Day or a Bad Day?
Good days. Bad days. What’s the difference between the two? Why are there days when you have a generous attitude toward other people? You stop and let the other driver go first. You tell the person behind you in the check out lane at the grocery store—the one...
Love or Fear
There is significant reason to believe that we—individually and collectively—are living within a false paradigm. And if we were to make one change in our lives, shifting from fear to love, we would create a new world. Most of the problems we face would...
Respect Yourself
Respect yourself is the answer! What’s the question? Well, it comes in response to our most popular blog post: How To Find A Good Man . As a result of that post we’ve received several specific emails asking for more advice on how to find a good man. I...
Minimize the Risk of Getting Hurt When Falling in Love
In my previous postings, how to find a good man and how to find a good woman, I emphasized that early in the dating stage you need to be rather intolerant. I’d like to say more about this. If you’re trying to find a good partner—male or female—one key is to apply your...
Personal Narrative — Day 6 — Maya Tulum
Since early on in this retreat the participants have been thinking and working on what we call a “personal narrative.” The idea behind your personal narrative is that you have a story—you may not be conscious of your story—but you have a story. Is your...
What You Judge Won’t Budge: Huff Post Article
Margaret Paul, Ph.D, has an article in The Huffington Post, What You Judge Won’t Budge. In expounding the value to stop being judgmental, she explains, “When you judge yourself, you create an inner resistance. The way through this resistance is to move out...
The One Simple Thing That Will Change Your Life
Today is Martin Luther King Day. Consider how vitally alive he was while he lived. He did not waste his short but ‘chosen’ life. Have you chosen the life you are living? If not, what is one simple thing you could do to change your life? Or what one thing could you do...
Enlightenment Can Lead To Arrogance
What is enlightenment? I see it as a state of constructive contentment. That is, being constructive—making some sort of contribution—and feeling satisfied at the same time. One of the things about this state of being is that it feeds on itself. If I am content and...
Who Is Responsible for Your Feelings? | Huffington Post
Do you take credit for making yourself happy? How about when you are feeling angry or hurt or rejected or abandoned? It is much easier to blame someone else than to be responsible for your feelings. Margaret Paul Ph.D. writes in Huffington Post, that it is our...
Path To Fulfillment | More Than One Way?
I resist any practice or religion saying that their way is the “only way”. Too much harm has been done historically because of religion, trying to make others wrong. There are so many paths, almost as many as there are people really, since we each have our own...
What is Great Therapy?
Have you been or are you currently in therapy? Did you get or are you getting what you want out of therapy? What makes for great therapy? I’ll share my perspective, which I’ve come to after twenty years in private practice. To get the most out of therapy,...
Change the Way You Look at Things and the Things you Look at Change
In Psychology Today, Michael Michalko writes about our perceptions and how they color our experience of the world around us. “People tend to think of perception as a passive process. We see, hear, smell, taste or feel stimuli that impinge upon our senses. We think...
Am I Depressed?
Am I depressed? Many of us struggle with depression. I used to. But in recent years I’ve learned to hear depression as a shout from within myself saying, “pay attention to me!” Depression is not necessarily a bad thing, and it doesn’t have to be endured. If you listen...
How To Express Emotions in a Healthy Way
I recently received an email from someone who was concerned about how to express emotions, because in some ways she feels like she is “bad” or “failing” when she expresses “negative” emotions. She wrote: “I am feeling myself...
Becoming More of Who You Already Are | Psychology Today | Self Acceptance
What if we didn’t try so hard to be someone other than who we are? Ingrid Matthieu writes in Psychology Today that many of her clients believe that if they were “thin, pretty, enlightened, funny, smart, had a boyfriend/girlfriend, were richer, less anxious, less...
How To Find Happiness and Love
Guest Blogger Paula Green writes about how to find happiness and love. When we put pressure on a water saturated sponge we know what will come out. Water. What comes out of me when I am under pressure? Guilt, frustration, anger, self victimization. That is what came...
In Search of the Authentic Life | Psychology Today
If you’re in search of the authentic life, it’s worth reading Bob Edelstein’s article in Psychology Today. He writes about his transformation in the early 70’s after reading Carl Rogers’ “Freedom to Learn”. Rogers advocated for an “inner-directed way of being”–...
The Social Animal by David Brooks validates Live Conscious
The Social Animal by David Brooks, NY Times columnist, intelligently explains and demonstrates what it means to be human. He helps us understand that our unconscious mind—more than our conscious mind—influences our emotions, decision making, perceptions and...
How To Find Courage
So many of us want to have more courage. But, maybe we don’t need more courage! That’s probably not the answer you were expecting, but I think that our search for courage has an unintended consequence, which is that it validates our fears. What if instead of...
Personal Growth Through Revealing
I have been thinking lately about how much I grow myself by revealing myself and being witnessed in a Live Conscious Retreat. Revealing is a powerful personal growth tool. By nature I am an introvert. I sometimes shy myself in groups. But the more I reveal myself in...
How We Become Whole
I’d like to acknowledge my gratitude toward John and Joyce Weir, our mentors and founders of Percept language, which we now refer to as Perception Language. John passed away in 2006. A few days ago, I was considering what it was exactly, that made John so...
Nice Guys Finish First, NY Times
In his recent NY Times column, David Brooks explores the idea that nice guys finish first. He acknowledges that, yes, “we spend our time trying to maximize our outcomes — competing for status, wealth and mating opportunities,” but that “humans...
A New Gauge to See What’s Beyond Happiness, The NY Times
John Tierney explores why Martin Seligman, the author of “Authentic Happiness,” now regrets that title. It appears that happiness is not the only criteria to living a good life. Now, Seligman sees “accomplishment” as another highly desirable criteria that contributes...
Conscious Parenting
Written by guest blogger: L.C.—Seattle My experience at the Live Conscious Retreat was truly life changing on multiple levels. I have attended many personal growth seminars in the last 20 years, and though I’ve always enjoyed doing weekend workshops, this one was by...
How To Find A Good Woman
In an earlier posting I wrote about how to find a good man . Most everything I said applies to finding a good woman, so please reference that post. However, here are a few more specific comments. By the way, there’s a lot more interest expressed by women trying to...
Understanding Why We Change: Huffington Post
Understanding Why We Change is a recent Huffington Post article authored by Marilyn Mandala Schlitz and Tina Amorok. The authors reference a decade of research on this subject performed by the Institute of Noetic Sciences. They state that a change in beliefs,...
A National Strategic Narrative by Mr. Y serves as a great example for a personal narrative
What’s your story? Really, how do you talk about yourself? Is your story one of empowerment or victimization? Are you the star of your story, or do you play a supporting role? Is your story one of drama or equanimity? How we talk about ourselves creates a...
Negative Core Beliefs
In Live Conscious we’ve developed a model of Human Development. As part of this model, we’ve identified four core patterns that develop to varying degrees early in life. The four patterns represent what we do within ourselves when we experience too much stress in our...
The American Nightmare: Psychology Today – Happiness
Lauren Sandler proposes the question in Psychology Today : “Why are we not happy even if we have everything the American Dream prescribed?” She cites surveys that are revealing that we, “have grown continuously more depressed over the last...
Changing Core Beliefs
I’ll tell you a secret about therapists. From time to time we wonder if people, even ourselves, can truly change our core beliefs. We witness a 54-year-old woman pick the same “wrong guy” she has picked five times before. She’s smart, conscious, been in therapy for...
Good Morning
The subject line for this blog post is Good Morning… Mostly we say it in a perfunctory way, but I suggest that it really is (or can be) quite powerful. Is Good Morning a hopeful wish we make for ourselves and others that they (and we) actually have a “good...
Spiritual Breakthrough and Awakening
Spiritual breakthrough and awakening is readily available to us through the use of Live Conscious. Many people interested in personal growth and development seek to experience spiritual breakthrough—or awakening—the ultimate reward of personal evolution. Deeply...
Therapy Retreats
Therapy retreats (good ones) may be more effective than weekly therapy sessions in bringing about personal growth and development. By participating in a high quality, week-long (or longer) therapy retreat, we’re able to access deeper levels of ourselves. We...
Words from C.G. Jung’s Red Book
The following words are from C.G. Jung’s newly released Red Book, which consists of his personal writings from 1914-1930. These words have never before been available to be read, pondered and appreciated. For me, they are a beautiful expression of our journey to...
What is your core delusion?
What is your core delusion? Most of us have one. Live Conscious advocates that we become aware of all parts of ourselves even those parts that we dislike, i.e. our jealous, anxious, fearful, selfish, angry, resentful, and needy parts. We are then asked to accept, not...
Concentrate on your circle of competence
Hannah and I were watching a PBS television show last night. The guest was Melinda Gates of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. She was talking about her philanthropic work and she was asked her if she wished she had some skill or experience that would allow her to...
